Bring Back The Biff!!

What on earth is happening at Rugby League Central?

What a bunch of whimps!  A couple of blokes try to trade blows (most of them missing) and everybody is up in arms.

Finally some passion from these professionals who have been playing a type of football I regard as 'anti-football'.

Anti-football?

Yep, have a look at the modern game, it's all about not playing the game properly.

When I was a young bloke playing Rugby League in a small country town it was great FUN!

On field you played hard and tackled hard. Afterwards it was off to the pub to relive the game including a few drinks with those bastards you had just been trying to kill on the field.  Kill on the field?  Yeah, but there was no malice in it you see.

The blokes in the other codes called Rugby League "mobile wrestling and smelly bums".  Forty years later I'm inclined to agree with them.

The job of the players is to slow the game down.  They do this by having two blokes tackle an opposing player.  they grab hold of him and wrestling him about, without any intention of putting him on the ground.  That's the job of the third tackler who comes in and grabs the ball carrier around the legs.  This is how we used to tackle in my day, but without the other two boozos holding the player.

The ball carrier is wrestled to the ground, and then, to finish the tackle, he must be rolled onto his back.  The players now release the ball carrier one by one with the last guy using his hand to put pressure on the ball thus making it difficult for the tackled player to get up quickly.  The ball carrier must be released in 5.3 seconds from the moment he hits the ground.  If it takes 5.5 seconds the referee will give a penalty.

I should add that all teams are guilty of doing this and to add to the drama, the dummy half has to stand with his arms in the air to indicate to the ref that their player is being held down unfairly.  How would he know, he doesn't have a stop watch.

Lookit the scrum.  Smelly bums is right.  The scrum is where the forwards go into a huddle to try and win the ball.  The half back must put the ball into the tunnel (the gap between both sides) and the hookers rake for the ball while the rest of the pack uses it weight to push forward and win the ball.  Oh, sorry that's what used to happen.  Now the half back places the ball inot second row and everyone seems happy with this.

So what's the job of the hooker now?

There is something else about tackling I need to get off my chest.  You are not allowed to steal the ball while tackling.  It seems those big burly forwards can't hang onto the ball.  They get upset if you take it from them and they go crying to the referee.  Footballers are very good at pointing at other players and whinging to the referee.  That's why we have two referees now, to keep up the supply of hankies.

If you so much as caress the neck of the ball carrier you are in deep shit.  This is because Rugby League players don't have necks and giving a penalty for a neck infringement shows the world that Rugby League players do have necks.  Geddit?

If ever you wanted proof about dumb rules then go no further than the shoulder charge.  The ball is kicked high into the air towards the star fullback.  The biggest ugliest forward's job is to line up the fullback and pulverise him.  It is best executed (great word that) when the fullback is very vulnerable - when he is concentrating on catching the ball.  He can't see the rampaging forward as he is looking up at the ball.  His body is outstretched to catch the ball leaving his internal organs unprotected at the precise moment the forward, now in full flight, hits him with a shoulder charge.  The players get a breather while the minders are trying to resuscitate the fullback.  This is a legal tackle.

Do not in any way confuse this legal activity with a 'punchup" where two forwards grab hold of each other and play "fistycups".  They hold each other's uniform with their left hand and make a fist with the right.  They then try to knock each other's block off, but they usually miss.  This is why it is outlawed.  Two overpaid professional athletes cannot accurately direct a fist on target over a distance of one foot.

Shocking!

I hope they get banned for a couple of weeks for bringing the game of Rugby League into disrepute.

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